Group Pizza Orders Suck

2010/01/29

Ordering Pizza as a group like in an office environment or at a gathering of some sort has got to be one of the worst ideas ever. It used to be that you’d have your mom call up Domino’s and order up a bunch of pepperoni pizzas. Then you and your buddies would scarf it down and get back to watching Real Genius and pretend that you too could be a cool nerd like Val instead of just a nerd.

Now your friends don’t eat meat cause they live in Bend. Not sure why all of the sudden living in Bend means you have to carry multiple frisbees in a bag wherever you go, have at least 2 dogs, drive a Subaru, drink only microbrews with at least 7.8 %ABV Hope/Grain Frag Units, and eat way too many vegetables.

My point is, I’m not chipping in $10 for a group order of pizzas when you’re there. You don’t eat pizza. You are eating salad on a flatbread with a damn pesto dressing. I want pork products, cheese, tomato sauce like any red blooded American.

You will say (in a high pitch girly voice while picking grass clippings out of your sandals) “Lets get a Large roasted rosemary potatoes, roasted onions, roasted garlic, mozzarella & ricotta cheeses on a garlic/olive oil base and then a Large grilled portabella mushrooms, sun-dried tomatoes, artichoke hearts, fresh garlic and mozzarella /parmesan cheeses on a blend of basil pesto tomato sauce” (both available from Pizza Mondo btw).

BUT, when the pizzas arrive, what do you do? You and all your wanna be health nut friends take at least one slice of the only pepperoni BEFORE you fill up on the stupid pie. EVERY TIME there is a bunch of pizzas, which pizza has slices left over when everyone is done? THE DAMN VEGETARIAN ONE DOES!!! ARRRGHCHCKSJDdfksajhf $&%*#!!!

Oh but if I say anything, then I’m the dick.

Pizza in Bend Oregon

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Brother Jon’s – Bend Oregon

2010/01/27

Brother Jon’s

I’ve gushed over Brother Jon’s in the past but that was just about their regular menu. Lately I’ve been all over their specials. I love showing up and seeing whats on the big chalk board for that day. I haven’t been disappointed yet. Brother Jon’s is my favorite restaurant/hangout in Bend right now. Everything is great and its all priced right. Specials are normally right at $8.50 or $9 and is a solid meal every time.

I normally will try to go for lunch once a week and if I don’t, I start to get the shakes. Once on a Monday I was fortunate enough that they were offering the dinner special at lunch – Pork Verde. Amazing! I can’t stop talking about it to my friends. Chunks of super tender pork swimming in a bowl of spicy verde and served with rice and a bowl of soupy black beans and tortillas.

On the days that I walk in to see the chicken pot pie on the specials board I get all excited. I mean, just look at it:


When I was a kid, chicken pot pie was right out of the freezer and after an eternity in the oven the first bite would burn the roof of my mouth while the rest of it was still frozen. The Brother Jon’s version is quite a bit better. I’ve only successfully finished it once out of 3 attempts but will get it every time its offered.

Another special that I’ve had the pleasure of destroying was the sweet hot pulled pork covered in cheese. Messy sucker but very good and just look at the portions.


Basically you can’t go wrong with anything on the menu or anything offered for as a special.

And of course don’t forget the $2 PBR tall boys. I’ve been on a PBR kick lately. I use my P-38 Can Opener to pop a vent in the back of the can for easy flow and sprinkle a little salt on top like a Whiskey Tango (military speak for WT – WT being white trash) margarita. Salt on the top of a cheap beer can makes it fancy, high class sippin.

So arm yourself with a P-38 (you civilians can get one at the Military Surplus on 3rd) and next time you’re at a WT party where all they have is canned beer, do as I do and pop’n salt that sucker and swill. Just a little tip from your Uncle BOR.
Brother Jon’s Public House
1227 NW Galveston Ave.
Bend, OR 97701
541-306-3321
http://brotherjons.com/

OK, a little bonus coverage – The current site is awesome, simply says “Eat me, please.” When I was a little kid my parents took us to Philly and we did all the tourist stuff like run up the Museum steps Rocky style and then we went inside to tour the museum. There was this machine that you could put you name onto a commemorative coin as a souvenir. I of course put my name and it stamped “Future BOR” right onto the coin. I was pleased as punch.

My older brother was cracking up as he received his coin. He showed it to me and it read “Eat Me Philly!”

I didn’t get it. He got in trouble.

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