Worst Tweets I Want to Twrash

2009/03/11

I’ve been on Twitter for a short while which means I’m a Social Media Expert now. Since I’m the leading expert in Social Media, I thought I’d post some of the rather annoying tweets in an attempt to silence some of the noise.

Twitter is a social networking microblog (Bend Oregon Restaurants is a MegaBlog) that you can access from the interweb, on a cellular telephone, or via text message. If you really don’t know what Twitter is, think chat room for the elderly. Not as fast as a chat room would be and you don’t need to stick around waiting for an answer or response, just check back in after digesting the early bird special. Anyway, with Twitter you can tell your “followers” every stupid detail of your lame ass life in 140 characters or less.

I try to be a nice guy as documented on my lovely comments and reviews about all sorts of goodie tooshies and sweetness. But I just can’t get behind Twitter like everyone else seems to be. I think there is some value to following SOME people. I like when someone is posting anything of value like a link to a great resource. BUT there are those TwitterTools that let me down. A TwitTool will tweet anything and everything and don’t bring anything of value to the conversation. Some of the worst tweets that really piss me off are:

Twitter-rea – “useless tweets”“just woke up” – “off to work” – “need to poop”

Its all noise and I really don’t care that you just woke up. I actually was wondering about adding this category as “useless” could describe a huge majority of tweets. Twitter-rea encompasses all of the following categories but I wanted to be more specific on the types that annoy me.

Going to sleep tweets“Okay, REALLY signing off and going to bed this time!”.

It is a waste of the 0.7 seconds it took for me to read that. Just go to sleep and shut the hell up. No one is going to miss you for the next 6 hours until you come back and post “just woke up.”

Spam – No quote here but I’m sure you’ve seen em. My general rule for following anyone has been “You get two.” If your first two tweets are lame and spammy, I’m out. Spammy tweets are sad.

New Blog Post tweets“Blogging …. (inserted link to blog here).”

Nope, I won’t click. I’m barely following you as it is, you’re pushing your luck little man. Give me the title of the blog post or a hook to get me to click. Let me know where I’m about to go or why I want to go there.

Nothing to say tweets“I have nothing tweet-worthy to say.”

Then don’t say a damn thing. With all the shit that is tweeted, you can’t come up with anything? Maybe you should look up from your cell phone and be social for a second rather than simply texting in your worthless tweet while checking how many followers you have. No mystery on why that number isn’t growing. I can’t believe I’m following you. In fact, you just got unfollowed.

Spoiler or Watching TV tweets“Watching bad TV on E!”

While this is horrible, this quote isn’t nearly as bad as the spoiler tweets. In the age of the DVR, I don’t think anyone should ever announce the winner of anything for at least a day. Announcing the winner of reality shows that I watch (like From G’s to Gents) is not cool.

Speaking of which, I HATE when I’m at a social event and someone announces the score of a game. Just cause you weren’t smart enough to record the game doesn’t mean you need to show off your cell phone skillz by checking espn.com. Don’t be a tool.

Follow my friend tweets“follow this guy – he’s cool!”

Doubt it.

Twitter Greetings“Hello Twitter my old friend, I’ve come to talk with you again…”

C’mon. Stop. Just don’t. Really? C’mon. Twitter is not your friend.

Coffee tweets“thinking about going to get my first cup of coffee…”

Look, I don’t care that you’re getting a cup of coffee or how much you need coffee or how much you LOVE coffee. This has to be the deal breaker for me. I can’t take it. Everyday I sift through countless tweets about needing coffee as I sip from my Mug Revolution Handmade Coffee Mug (you’re welcome Owen). Congrats on announcing your cracked out dependency to caffeine. I’ll unfollow you now.

You can follow my awesomeness @bendeats.

Love,

BOR


{ 7 comments… read them below or add one }

juliejulie March 11, 2009 at 6:29 pm

Dear BOR,

I love this. I mean it. This is the best thing I’ve read all day and I will RT the hell out of it, just for you, so you can get more readers to your MegaBlog.

I’m especially thrilled that one of my tweets made it in here. I feel kinda popular now.

Love,

@juliejulie

Reply

Write up your alley March 11, 2009 at 7:25 pm

The bored tweet:

“I’m so bored. When will this day end?”

Well, don’t bore the rest of us with these tweets that clog me feed and keep me from reading more important tweets, like The Onion’s news headlines.

The constant replier:

“Hey, @cooldude, that totally reminds me of @fancy pants when she replied to @whatever…” blah blah blah. This is not the place to give shout outs. This is even more annoying if you connect it to your facebook status updates. blah.

Oh, Twitter. I wish I could quit you.

Reply

Write up your alley March 11, 2009 at 7:29 pm

I forgot my favorite! The people who send twitter updates on every little thing their child does!

“Junior is eating now.”

“Junior wants a nap.”

“Junior is fussy.”

The only thing more annoying than people who twitter like this about themselves is when they do it about their offspring.

Reply

Shannon March 11, 2009 at 7:34 pm

You left out the rest of my tweet re: bad TV on E! If you’re gonna make fun of my tweet at least get it right! 🙂 🙂

Reply

mizinformation March 11, 2009 at 9:24 pm

sorry @juliejulie. what I hate are re-tweets!

Reply

Fellow Blogger March 11, 2009 at 10:30 pm

Megablog? Isn’t that a blog dedicated to the biggest, the largest, and the most expansive superlatives imaginable? Not so much a tweet as a caw?

Reply

davedigerati March 12, 2009 at 5:34 pm

so would you follow someone who said:

“oh hellz to the yeahhhh!!! I’m eating a Bacon-Maple bar the Wife brought back from Voodoo Doughnut in Portland! I just jizzed in my pants”

zinG!!!!!

Reply

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