Deschutes Brewery 7th Annual Crabfest

2009/01/26

Deschutes Brewery 7th Annual Crabfest

After the 5th Annual Crabfest I swore that I would attend every year. I swear alot and it doesn’t actually get me anywhere. So for some reason I wasn’t able to attend last year and I’ve cried myself to sleep on my huge pillow ever since. Luckily, I was fortunate enough to get a seat at this years crabfest and was giddy all week in anticipation of doing my part to keep the crab population in check.

Deschutes Crabfest started at 6pm and we were told to get there right at 6 so we wouldn’t miss the oysters. We arrived just a few minutes after 6 and never saw an oyster. Turned out that the menu had changed slightly and instead of oysters, we got crab cakes and crab crostini.


Passed Appetizers – Red Crab Crab Cakes w/ Lemon Dill Aioli and Dungeness Crab Crostini w/ Chevre Mousse, Dungeness Crab Topped with a Pale Cocktail Sauce.

As always, my first beer glass must have had a hole in it as it was drained quite fast. So on pint #2 of Green Lakes Organic Ale I at 1 crab cake and 7 crab crostinis. They were sooooo good. And when you run in the BOR entourage or “entBORage”, you get treated nicely. We had plenty of hot waitresses bringing us plenty of food. I’ll take full credit for the attention even though it just so happened that a couple of off duty Deschutes waitresses were at our table. I had to refuse more and more appetizers in order to make sure I had room for crab.

Next up, the Plated Appetizer – Seafood Beer-Tini – Tropical Ceviche including Halibut, Prawns, and Dungeness Crab.


I’m starting on beer #3 as the Beer-Tini is placed in front of me, after the ladies are served first of course. I really like how Deschutes Mountain room servers serve the ladies first. I’m a fan of ladies first, holding doors, pulling out chairs, shit like that. I pick out the seafood and leave most of the icky veggies. I’m here for scavenger flesh only.

Next up is the Plated Salad – Blue Louie featuring Blue Crab. Salad? Really? I guess it’s necessary for the women folk.


I ate the crab and then handed the plate off to the closest waitress. Bring on the gawd damn crab already!!

Beer #4 and the big ass bowls of Classic Crab Boil hit the table. Oh wait, I forgot to mention the two big baskets of house made rosemary rolls that were placed on our table just before the crab boil arrived. The baskets lasted a minute before we moved them to the counter next to us, untouched. Stupid Bread. I’m hear to destroy crab damnit! I have bread at home. Dungeness Crab, Kielbasa Sausage, Peel and Eat Prawns, and New Potatoes, Served with Drawn Butter, and Lemon Wedges.


I dive in like Leonidas leading his 300 warriors to battle. I command the table “Give them nothing! But take from them everything!” Beer #4 sits undisturbed for a long time as I take down half a crab, a few prawns and some sausage. The last time I went to crabfest my friend broke down an entire section of crab before eating any of it. I liked this technique and used it 3.5 times Saturday night. Here’s my first run:


I kept a tally of all my conquests just like when I was in college chalking up mad amounts of notches on my head board. I’m kidding….I didn’t go to college. I counted crab legs as the actual leg portion as well as the body meat which I just lumped into a pile. So when I say that I ate 17 crab legs, that counts the body meat as well. I’m awesome.

I made an error by pouring the hot drawn butter into my ramekin before I had even started crushing crab shells and ripping the prawn’s protective layer from it’s flesh. So by the time I ate my crab, the butter was luke warm at best. So on round’s two and three, I just went for freshly poured butter.


I started making Shell Fish S’mores in a variety of combinations. Each dunked in a fresh bowl of butter to keep it glistening and deliciously amazing. Sausage, crab leg, and prawn. Effing amazing!



Amazing!! And look how wet and wrinkled my fingers are. Gross!

Finally the Plated Dessert – Mocha Cream Pie with Chocolate Cookie Crust


Too sweet for me, one bite did it. But I had to use the photo of my friend adding the crab leg in for some reason. She kept making this crab leg kung fu motion with it as if the crab leg was about to steal my dessert’s rice cakes. I really think she thought I was filming video. She’s silly.

I showed off my stat sheet to a few of the fellow diners as well as one of the waitresses, Missy. She looked over the list and was impressed but said “that’s cute”. Four beers = cute. I was ashamed. BUT…now that the eatin was done, time to drink. I finished with an astounding 8 pint. 7 pints of Green Lakes and after that tap blew, 1 pint of Mirror Pond. My final count:

8 Appetizers (7 Crostini and 1 Crab Cake)
17 Crab Legs
12 Prawns
9 slices of Sausage
8 Beers
0 Redmond Rodge

I don’t find this to be that great. I’m pretty sure that others ate more than I did. I’m happy with my performance and felt great the next morning. Anyway, I found it amusing when one of the waitresses told us of a couple on the other side of the room that told her “we want to be the last people here.” A young couple out of Portland, silly in their ways, thought that they’d give us a run for our money. I’ve attended 5 or 6 events at the Mountain Room and have always closed the joint down. That’s just how the entBORage rolls.

I was pleased when I heard that the waitress responded with “well, you’ll need to beat that table over there” while pointing to our group. The couple ended up sitting in the lounge area reading magazines while we wrapped up our evening. I decided to go over and say hi. I talked with my new friend Brendan and his wife about Bend and why they drove all the way from Portland just for the Crab Fest. Its really that good.

We were the last group there, but Brendan and his wife technically stayed a hair longer. It was a great night.

{ 1 comment… read it below or add one }

Arlene M. Spencer January 27, 2009 at 4:55 pm

Silly is as silly does! The feed was a hoot! I still say your list is “cute”! (Extra points for the rhyme?)

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