BOR BASH Vol 1 Episode 1

2008/04/12

BOR BASH Vol 1 Episode 1

Last night I received the following Anonymous comment on my bistro corlise review and it gave me an idea. Since people are stupid enough to post the most ridiculous drivel even though I moderate my comments, I figure its about time for me to do what I do best, make fun of these dipshits.

Now it may be stupid of me to open myself up for even more of these BOR Bashings but what do I care? I write for fun and making fun of morons is rather enjoyable. So instead of bashing this jacknut on the bistro corlise post which will take away from the stellar review that I wrote, I’ll keep it separate in my new segment called BOR BASH.

Anyway, I recommend that you familiarize yourself with my bistro corlise post before reading the following Anonymous rant. I’ll comment after the idiocracy.

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Anonymous has left a new comment on your post “bistro corlise – Bend Oregon“:

Hmmm,
Well the picture may not be good because you’re too busy trying to be discreet about taking it! Your palate is like, um the bottom of a shoe with yesterdays gum stuck on it or better yet, a pattie left by a cow.

Lets see, main course, a silver grey for the lady, not sure what kind of fish that was, but hey, you must have been busy looking in the idiots guide to eating.

I am looking at your review of Bistro Colise and tally $50 without the silver grey at market price and I see wine too?! How do you get at your pricepoint of $73? HMMMMM. Are you comp worthy?

Your take on food is humorous at best and I cant believe you are taken as seriously as you are.

You are a self described non foody who loves wine from Costco, probably their own label because they actually have very good prices for the wines they carry, but so would any company that has sales revenue in the millions.

I’m “Bored” with BOR.

Your recent critiques of many restaurants leaves me to wonder, who are you? No, you are not a “comp’ worthy guest at any restaurant except Mcdonalds, which by the way will “supersize’ any selection that you want. Or Burger King, remember “Have it your way, Have it your way” was their theme back in the day.

Enough of my rant. If you choose to listen to this person instead of judging for yourself at any of the places that this faceless person has presented him/herself, then your palate is the same, tasteless.

Oh, yeah by the way, do you still need your one way ticket South!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Dear Anonymous,

Thank you for writing up a well thought out and constructed comment that has nothing to do with bistro corlise at all. I also appreciate the way in which you attempt to mimic my writing style…that part about Burger King really had me rolling. You’re a riot! How do you do it…”have it your way” is pure gold!

In the post I explained that the photo wasn’t very good because the colors were not vibrant, not that the photo itself was bad. I gave up being discreet with my photos a while ago. Once the food is in front of me, there isn’t much the kitchen can do to make it better so I don’t care if they see me taking the photos at all. Explain what this has to do with my palate.

I like my palate. I’m confused about this comment and your entire rant for that matter, the bistro corlise review was a favorable one. Why so angry? So you’re bashing me on my palate which means you didn’t like bistro corlise? I’m not sure I follow.

Idiots guide to eating!!! HAHAHA oh man you’re a clever one. Did you get that out of your Idiots guide to blogging? All this negativity yet you don’t bring any value to the post. Explain why my palate sucks. Other than your misunderstanding of simple addition, what don’t you like about my reviews? I think you’re just pissy because your co-workers at Walmart read my reviews on the Packard Bell P120 display model and laugh hysterically while you have to clean up aisle 4.

The pricepoint bit. I came up with $73 because that’s how much the food cost you dipshit. Yes there is wine in the photo because I felt it made for a better photo. But since I didn’t discuss the wines I didn’t add them to the price of the dinner. And what is with the comp worthy crap? Did you comp me for this meal? No, then shut the hell up.

The comment about liking wines from Costco – I’m not sure how to take this. Are you insulting me? Should I feel bad that Costco’s sales revenue is in the millions? Its like you’re insulting me using the Metric System. I don’t quite get it. Is 4 degrees Celsius hot or cold? Is it the temperature of the sun or do I need to put on a sweater? Oooooo Costco makes money and has wine – in your face dummy!

Another random comment about my palet. Let me get this straight, you’re saying that if people listen to me, that their palate is the same as mine…tasteless? I’m not sure you know what a palate is. You can’t catch a palate by listening to some one’s opinion. I can hear you yelling out the broken screen door of your double wide to your shoeless kids playing with their favorite stick “Git in here and warsh your hands before dinner, we can afford you catching the palates again.”

I love that you call me faceless while commenting Anonymously. That is always one of my favorites. And I love that you still haven’t figured out that my post about moving south was an April Fools joke. Put your smock back on and get back to aisle 4.

“I’m “bored” with BOR” – That’s right you are, cause you’ve just been BORed!! In “bor” FACE!

Your starving moderator,

Senior BORbash III

PS – I’m taken so seriously because you touch yourself.

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I thought that went well but I received another Anonymous comment today and this person is claiming to be the original Anonymous commentor. I’m half thinking that this is a different person because this comment is a slightly clever while the original was ass. He must have been drinking the big barrels of wine from Costco last night while crafting the first comment.

I thought I had knocked him out in round one but he keeps coming back for more. So here we go with round two.

Since I’ve wasted enough time with this schmo, I’m going to just throw my comments in Italics throughout his comment instead of writing a whole new bit.

-BOR

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Anonymous has left a new comment on your post “BOR BASH Vol 1 Episode 1”:

BOR Bash Vol 1 Episode 2

Amuse: I just finished my smoke break and my smock is back on. After my double shift at “Walmart” I was laughing so hard at your retort that I had to change my underwear. Lets clarify a couple of things.

First Course: Bistro Corlise is a wonderful place to eat, many of the places you comment on are worthy of trying for oneself. My rant is more towards your self proclamation of not being a foodie, so how can you make such comments about food and dining that are worth anything?

BOR SAYS – That’s what bloggers do dummy. We’re all self appointed experts in whatever we want to be. I say I’m a non-foodie because saying you’re a foodie is stupid. What is a foodie? M-W says “a person having an avid interest in the latest food fads.” That’s exactly what I don’t want to be, up on the latest food fads. I like what I like. NOT what you and you’re foodie friends like. I represent a big majority of diners that like to go out and have a nice meal without all the stupid hype. I want a great meal at a great price.

I can make comments on anything I damn well want and it doesn’t have to be worth anything to anybody. I’m not writing this for you. I don’t get paid to do this, I donate the ad revenue to charity. So I get the liberty to write whatever I want and you can like it or not, I don’t care.

Yeah you are right, I am not a blogger, (BOR interrupts – I never said you were) I do enjoy reading your depictions and critques and laugh myself silly as I touch myself (yeah right) I don’t need to go to Makhanas cafe for titilating stimulation before going home and jumping on the wife and fantasizing about the hottie who served me. Oh, by the way, do you need your Viagra refilled? Since I work at Walmart I can get your perscription refilled.

BOR Says – You obviously haven’t been to Makahna’s. Viagra jokes? Don’t get me started, don’t EVEN get me started.

Main Course: Well, I just finished fixin the back porch screen so back to my story. Opinions are like a-holes, everybody has one and they all stink. I find it humorous to read your opinion of my opinion of you. Kind of looking in the mirror right? The wine comment was your self proclaimed wine cellar stocked with Costco wines. Am I insulting you? HMMMMMMMMMMM, I will leave that one for you to determine.

BOR Says – How is a wine cellar “self proclaimed?” Why even write the above paragraph? Nothing of value. You use my joke making fun of yourself and don’t use it very well…plus you’re not telling a story. Then you take an OLD ASS saying which basically is labeling your opinion as stinky too. Then you say that my opinion of your opinion of me is like looking in a mirror. No, it’s more like reading lame comments and then making fun of the tool that wrote them. Your mirror sucks if that’s what it looks like to you.

Finally, you don’t even answer my damn question. Your original paragraph about Costco made no sense and this one doesn’t either. Yes I buy wine from Costco. Get up off me.

The metric comment? let me review, ah yes, that must come from your comments on your experience at another relative new comer to Bend. Chow and your conjure about an open faced sandwich. (BOR’s Confused here – “your conjure about” I don’t think that’s right) When I look at the pic, I see three halfs of bread which equates to almost two full pieces of bread. (BOR’s Half Empty – Or it equates to almost one full piece of bread) It looks to me that they have chosen to present the dish a little different than other open faced sandwiches. (BOR Interrupts – THEN CALL IT SOMETHING ELSE. Call it an open faced half sandwich and I wouldn’t have said a thing, I wouldn’t have ordered it either but at least we’d all be happy) I cant attest to the portion size of the meal because I havent eaten there, you know workin here at the “Mart”, I guess I can “supersize my big Mac right?

BOR Says – Thanks for taking the virtual time to review, ah yes, I did mention the metric system in my CHOW post but somehow I was able to expand on it, make it a little different, and it is still funny. Your math skills are improving, you can count three halves of bread (which according to you is almost two full slices – again thanks) on the plate in my CHOW review.

A sandwich normally contains two slices of bread with edible goodness between them. So if you have an open faced sandwich, that would be one slice of bread with food on top of it. CHOW had one half of a slice of bread with food on it and then another half of a slice of bread laid sort of on sort of off the food. THEN there was another slice of bread that came with the meal. So Watson, what can you deduce from that?

Since you haven’t eaten there, why are you even saying anything? You don’t know me but yet you felt the need to bash me and my palate, say I’m not “comp” worthy, bust on my photos cause I’m busy reading the “idiots guide to eating” all cause you are offended that a self proclaimed NON FOODIE has an opinion about food. I’ll use a generic saying to help you understand, “Everyone has to eat.” I have an opinion of the food that I eat and pay for, and I write about it. I write about my experience, not make shitty comments about you and your experiences on your blog.

Dessert: Yeah, I got it April fools joke, too bad, I was ready to give from my tax refund to help you leave our community, but oh, I forgot, I need to go git shoes for my chitlins sorry I cant throw you a party, but hey Costco even makes cakes so when you buy your next scuba tank of wine to go with your first course of spam, followed by an open faced sloppy joe and finished with a can of woop ass, take it from me, you can have your blog page, have your tasteless opinions of the community restaurants, enjoy your next sausage party at Deschutes and remember what Forest says, stupid is what stupid does

BOR Says – Really? One sentence?

Forrest (two Rs) quotes his mom twice in the movie using “Stupid is AS stupid does” but the original line was when talking to Jenny on the school bus and said “Momma says ‘Stupid is as stupid do-es.”

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You’ve been BORed again! Now I’m getting BORed with you. This case is closed.

-BOR

{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }

monkeyinabox April 11, 2008 at 7:59 pm

Maybe you need to put a big disclaimer on the site that you are not a paid food critic.

Reply

HopHound April 11, 2008 at 8:45 pm

Wow! I had no idea BOR could make someone so upset over a food review. But to find out this “person” (still to be identified) actually has a beef with Costco is ABSOLUTELY insane. I mean to get pissed at BOR for his review is one thing BUT to diss Costco…well…that’s blasphemy. How could you make fun of an American institution where a family of 23 can purchase enough food (and Costco brand wine) and STILL have enough loot left over to catch the Motocross Bonanza at the Redmond Armory. Pffff…the nerve.

Oh yeah and one suggestion for BOR…when are you going to review Costco’s super duper diner experience!? It’s well over due. The footlong is to die for.

Reply

Keeneye April 12, 2008 at 4:39 pm

No one is forced to read your blog. My guess is it’s someone who works at a restaurant you bashed.

You know how to trace IPs, don’t you? 🙂

Reply

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